Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
