I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
