I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
