And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
