it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
