my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
