My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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