This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
