would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
only if we run a train.
done.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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