we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
