Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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