Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize