i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
