i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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