Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize