I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
