So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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