Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
soo... how was my night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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