after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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