I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
