i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize