Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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