you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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