first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
