my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
