No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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