he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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