we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
