her vagine was all disorganized.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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