Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize