I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
