I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
