Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
