My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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