I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
