ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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