i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
