yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk is not a location!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize