Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
