so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
