Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
