I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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