farters have to be the big spoon...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize