I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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