her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize