You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
