p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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