I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
