Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
