You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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