Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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