I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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