from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize