I faked an abortion last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
