I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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