woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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