So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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