Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize