he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
