your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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