youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
