Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
