I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
