Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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