i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize