I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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