i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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