he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
