i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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