Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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