The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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