HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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